Catherine went home over a week ago, and the program I wrote that generated this image is about all I have to show for my time since then. The program doesn't do much, and it has no interface so I can't make it do anything different without completely recompiling it. Writing code makes me feel better. I feel like I might actually accomplish goals I set out to do years ago. Maybe people will take notice of me. I want to feel important. Catherine is the only person who does that for me, and so when she is not here the natural thing for me to do seems to be to work on things that make me feel more useful. I find the idea of making tools for other people to use especially seductive. Once someone told me in a newsgroup that a little script I made saved him a weeks worth of work, and that made me happy for days.
I should be trying to get a job, and I should be finding out what I need to get into school, but so far in my life neither of those things have ever been something I am good at. I only succeed when it is almost a sure thing.
Only a few things have fairly consistently managed to make me feel better in the last week. Talking to Catherine, eating pizza, watching my nearly complete Stargate DVD collection, and sleeping. None of those has really done much to help me see Catherine again. I'm worried that she will get tired of waiting for me, and try to move on. I need something to get me really moving forward again.