I took my meds when I got up, and they helped me wake up. I had 8 replies to my post, and comments from the night before waiting in my mailbox. I seemed to be really popular this morning. I even got an AIM message from someone who was reading my journal. Tons of people were messaging me non stop. They said sweet things too. Everything seemed to be pointing to a wonderfully productive day. But then I had to leave to go to the bank, and I was low enough on gas that I needed to get that too before I came home. All of the money from the check I deposited went into my gas tank. It exactly covered it. Since I was feeling energetic I went for a walk in the park.
This is where things started to go down hill. When I got home I got ready to take a shower. Just as I was getting up a friend messaged me that I haven't talked to in a while so I sat back down to chat. That ended up being a whole half hour. Oh LiveJournal was down by this time too. I took my shower, and then decided maybe I could help my mom's friend with their computer. Maybe earn a little money. It was a busy signal, and my mom told me just drive over there. So I did. Turned out I couldn't fix the problem with what was there, and I found out that one of the people living there was sick. A person who happened to be in my face almost the whole time. My Grandpa called me sometime before I left to do this asking "Am I ever going to get to see you?". This made me feel guilty as usual. Grandpa always has Really REALLY annoying problems, and I am the only person ever invited to come fix them. Ugh. I so wish that he had other solutions than me so that I looked forward to visiting him, rather than dreading whatever else I would end up doing while I am there.
When I got home with slightly lower self esteem from my inability to fix the computer problem, and dread that I was going to get sick as a side effect I decided to see who was online. After trying to have some interesting conversation I felt socially inept. It was like every bit of conversation was a huge, and mostly failing effort. My dad was talking at me seemingly unaware that I wasn't alert enough to carry on a conversation. At best I might be able to recall some sentence fragments. I tried to look up some information on programming, but that seemed to be a failing effort too. I gave up, and took a nap for a while. When I got up an hour, or so later I could understand a lot of the things that I was just staring at blankly earlier.
At least I managed to sort some things out while I was walking. That was a very positive step. I guess I work on things more tomorrow, if I can find any time besides when I am helping my Grandpa. I don't expect to have any patience when I get home from that.
Time for sleep :-)