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Overcoming sadness

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Jan. 20th, 2003 | 04:26 am

I didn't burst out crying so many times today. Wenona came over, and gave me a hug. I've been thinking more about how much better I am, and will be as a person because I knew her, rather than how sad I am that she is gone. I'm pretty close to pure atheist, but all day I have been wishing that either reincarnation is real, or that her spirit is free to roam the hearts of her friends, and know how much she is loved. I know that she was holding back. Not telling me all of her troubles, because she didn't want me to think she was whining all the time. What I cared about were her honest opinions though, and I was working hard to earn her trust so that she could feel comfortable telling me. I don't feel like any moment I spent chatting with her was wasted. I just wish I had more time.

I should probably mention a few of the good things that have happened recently too. My life this week has not been a constant stream of tears.

I got Linux, and Windows XP installed on my computer in preparation for developing software. Stacy said she would help me with that. Now I may be on my own. I think I will dedicate what I make to her.

There needs to be a PLUR based religion for near Atheists like me. Far too many of us wander from day to day with no sense of purpose. I took a few steps to create such an organization about a week ago.

I really had a good time at the party last night. Amazing considering how heavy my heart felt when I got there. It helped that the moment Kristen spotted me she gave me a big hug. She also said really nice things about me. That meant a lot to me.

I also had a lot of fun with Deren, and his friends on Saturday.


I wished I could have gone to oven's party, but I just had too many other things going on yesterday. I will meet you someday Lisa.

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Comments {7}

Coccrna

(no subject)

from: ravequeen
date: Jan. 20th, 2003 03:09 pm (UTC)
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Hey, it was nice meeting you, sorry i was such a drunk*tard!!

I'm sorry things in your life are going so hard for you right now :(

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: Jan. 21st, 2003 02:03 am (UTC)
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It's ok. It's not like you puked on me or anything. I'm slowly getting more optomistic about my life getting better.

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benjamin

(no subject)

from: darkspin
date: Jan. 20th, 2003 06:06 pm (UTC)
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Linux Rocks!!
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kudos on getting it installed .. how is it going so far? :D

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Linux

from: teknotus
date: Jan. 21st, 2003 01:56 am (UTC)
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Being that I got it installed just before my grandma died, not much. I have no idea how to get OpenGL working right. Very important since I want to do graphics programming. I was going to relearn how to use IRC, and find a channel about linux. OpenGL programs run, but it is obviously using some kind of software rendering because programs run so slow. I looked at the MESA website, and it says my video card is supported. I think I am supposed to download sources, and compile it for my kernal or something. Ugh... So much to learn.

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benjamin

Re: Linux

from: darkspin
date: Jan. 21st, 2003 10:36 am (UTC)
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it can be a great escape from worries in your life though .. linux is like one gigantic puzzle .. bet you can't wait to put all the dependancies together huh? ;D

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snarble

(no subject)

from: snarble
date: Jan. 20th, 2003 11:42 pm (UTC)
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hi
the past few days ive been reading stacys friends list
hoping im not the only person knows what a wonderful person she was
i really identify with what you wrote
and i just wanted to leave you a comment

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Stacy's friends

from: teknotus
date: Jan. 21st, 2003 01:49 am (UTC)
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I'm really interested in knowing what else you found. I added you to my aim contact list so I can chat with you the next time I see you online.

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