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Grandma just died

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Jan. 16th, 2003 | 12:56 pm
mood: sadsad

My sister told me. I knew I didn't want to be the person to answer the phone in case that was the news.

Yesterday I went to see her for a few hours. I don't know if she even recognized me, or my voice. I've been too scared to visit her on my own. I remember her being so strong. She was a sergeant in the Marines. It was constant discomfort to be around her when she was so weak. I could hardly handle it with family there. I knew I couldn't handle it alone.

When I was there yesterday the minister came by. He prayed for her out loud. He talked to us for a long time. He told Grandma that he hoped to see her again. I don't think he believed he would get the chance. I don't know if I could learn to handle that part of his job. I know I could never be one of the nurses.

Less than a day ago I gave my grandma the last hug I ever will. I've been crying the whole time I have been writing this. I was scared that I didn't love her enough to hurt this bad. I've been avoiding seeing her because I couldn't handle seeing her the way that she was. I was scared that meant I didn't love her. But in truth I really did want to visit her. I just wasn't strong enough.

I love you Grandma.
I will miss you.

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Comments {3}

Audri Celeste

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from: pandaxian
date: Jan. 16th, 2003 02:01 pm (UTC)

*hugs* It's gonna be just fine. Think of it, your grandmother has by now moved on and regained that strength that she lost near the end. You know you love her, and she knows she loves you. That's all you need, to know you've not lost someone at all.

I'm terrified of the day my parents/grandparents pass, i've been trying to prepare for it for over a year now... they are all so old..

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(no subject)

from: imamanatee
date: Jan. 16th, 2003 04:50 pm (UTC)

i'm sorry dan
if you need to talk, remember i am here

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becca hecka mecca lexus pterodactyl

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from: bexfabulous
date: Jan. 16th, 2003 07:07 pm (UTC)

i'm sorry, dan. it'll be ok. if you need another person to talk to/ramble with, i'm always here. even if i am in new york.

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