Daniel Patrick Johnson (teknotus) wrote,
Daniel Patrick Johnson

  • Mood:

Am I loosing my friends?

At least once or twice a day I check my user info to find out if the number of people listing me as a friend has changed. I keep hoping the number will go up, but the reason I check is because I fear it will go down. I know of 6 names that have left that list for various reasons. One because they deleted their journal. One because what I wrote in my journal offended them, and they didn't think they could read it at work. I'm not even entirely sure why some of the other people left.

I get reactions I don't understand regularly. For example one person posted that they got an employee of the month award. I have never gotten anything like that. I congratulated them. The response I got was "Don't be a jerk". Apparently in their eyes it is not an honor at all, but something the company will give out to people it doesn't care about to pacify them.

I admit that I am not as good with people as I would like to be. I really do try. I am much better in person than over the phone, or writing. I am not good at writing. I'm much better at puzzles than an intricate art form like writing. I am terrible at telling what someones emotion is by their writing, and even worse at conveying my own. There is a short list of people I communicate with primarily over the phone. Guess what they get along with me the best.

Believe it or not I read the journal entries of everyone on my friends list. I get behind sometimes, but I don't think I have completely skipped a journal entry that wasn't something like a survey result in months. Usually I even read those. I seriously like the people on my friends list. Some I really really like. With some of my good friends I would say that I love them.

If I do something that pisses you off tell me. PLEASE!!! Don't just tell me what is pissing you off. Tell me why. I need to know or I will just keep making the same mistake over, and over again. I can take it what ever it is. I have a backbone, and a thick skin. I used to get beat up regularly. I would get attacked by my neighbors rott wieler. I didn't have a great, and happy childhood.

I keep trying to change myself. Trying to make my life better. I feel like the long line of failures I have had are pockmarked with little successes now. Sometimes I even have a little success streak. It is starting to be the case that instead of people rejecting me, beating me, never wanting to talk to me again, being the norm, it is starting to be the exception.

Interacting socially isn't something that comes naturally to me. I have to work on it. Sometimes I am even satisfied to hang out with people who use me, because I want attention so badly.

Maybe I should go call some people because chatting online just doesn't seem to be doing the trick.
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