January 20th, 2003


Overcoming sadness

I didn't burst out crying so many times today. Wenona came over, and gave me a hug. I've been thinking more about how much better I am, and will be as a person because I knew her, rather than how sad I am that she is gone. I'm pretty close to pure atheist, but all day I have been wishing that either reincarnation is real, or that her spirit is free to roam the hearts of her friends, and know how much she is loved. I know that she was holding back. Not telling me all of her troubles, because she didn't want me to think she was whining all the time. What I cared about were her honest opinions though, and I was working hard to earn her trust so that she could feel comfortable telling me. I don't feel like any moment I spent chatting with her was wasted. I just wish I had more time.

I should probably mention a few of the good things that have happened recently too. My life this week has not been a constant stream of tears.

I got Linux, and Windows XP installed on my computer in preparation for developing software. Stacy said she would help me with that. Now I may be on my own. I think I will dedicate what I make to her.

There needs to be a PLUR based religion for near Atheists like me. Far too many of us wander from day to day with no sense of purpose. I took a few steps to create such an organization about a week ago.

I really had a good time at the party last night. Amazing considering how heavy my heart felt when I got there. It helped that the moment Kristen spotted me she gave me a big hug. She also said really nice things about me. That meant a lot to me.

I also had a lot of fun with Deren, and his friends on Saturday.

I wished I could have gone to oven's party, but I just had too many other things going on yesterday. I will meet you someday Lisa.