Right now I am very sad. Dr. Williams, one of Catherine's grandpa's is dying. I don't know how long I have spent at his house, but I'm sure that it is over a month. I could easily find my way around in the dark. He was very kind to me. He also helped heal many people, and furthered the science of medicine in his long career. Although us humans do more to shape our destiny that any other species we know about we still have many problems we can't solve. We can't heal everybody of everything. I've had several bouts of crying tonight. For the man who is dying, for Catherine and her families grief, for the memories of my own family members dying. It is hard to take. Somehow though knowing some things are bigger than me makes me feel better about it though. I stopped to watch a freight train on the way home marveling in it's immensity. Everything I have ever needed in my whole life thus far could probably fit on a single train with lots of room to spare.
I don't really know how much I control destiny, and how much I'm just controlled by it. That's okay though. It means that when I work hard to control destiny in a good way, and it all works out I can take some pride in that. It also means that when things go wrong it might not be my fault since I am as it turns out not all powerful. If I was no one I loved would ever have to suffer.
Right now my love goes out to Catherine, and everyone around her.