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Why do people hate me?

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Aug. 14th, 2003 | 04:47 pm
mood: crushedcrushed
music: Nine Inch Nails - Sin

The day gets worse as I notice that TWO people have removed me from their friends list. I'm sure it's about something I wrote that they took the wrong way, and then didn't talk to me about it. If someone has a problem with me tell me about it instead of giving me the silent treatment. I pester people far more when they are not talking to me, because I know something is up, and I want them to tell me what it is so that we can work things out. Almost every time someone has left my friends list they dropped me first. Maybe when people say that they care about me it is an illusion, and they really just want to use me until they get tired of me. I hope that isn't true. I want to believe that the average person is good. I want to believe that people who cut me out of their life will want to talk to me again.

I guess this is why I can count the number of people I consider to be real friend on one hand. People who have been around long enough, and put up with me enough times when I am at my worst that I don't believe they would give up on me. Not without trying to work things out. Not without a fight.

I know that more than one of the people who still lists me as a friend has me blocked on aim. Even people who seem to like me can't put up with me for very long. Am I really such a horrible person that people feel compelled to not care about me? No really that wasn't a rhetorical question. I really want to know what it is that makes people not like me. I know I have a phone book sized list of flaws, but which ones piss you off the most so that I can change how I act around you.

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Comments {10}

a gun and a pack of sandwiches

(no subject)

from: never_here
date: Aug. 14th, 2003 09:05 pm (UTC)
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I don't hate you, I think you hate me though. When I signed on to AIM, you totally left. I was like "Pshaw!!"

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 12:29 am (UTC)
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One of my best friends had invited me over, and I was on the way out the door. I came close to saying hi, and goodbye to you before I left, but my friend usually goes to sleep around 10 so I was in a little bit of a hurry.

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Honest Advice

from: skisungirl
date: Aug. 14th, 2003 10:54 pm (UTC)
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There is a problem that I can see. There are things that you don't understand about people and you can only learn by being around more people. I have known you since 1996 and you have always spent more time around your computer than people. That's why you understand computers and not people. You can make excuses and say it's because people don't want you around, or you are too tired to go out, or whatever else like so many people do but if you want to understand people you have to go to the source. You won't find it on this computer. There are tons of people involved in clubs, organizations, classes, volunteer projects, etc. who would love to have you around. Find something you like and don't force it but be approachable and friendly. If someone doesn't like you, that's their problem for having a lack of patience, compassion for people, understanding, and whatever else. It's not always going to be your fault. Don't make it your problem when it might simply be theirs.

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Re: Honest Advice

from: skisungirl
date: Aug. 14th, 2003 10:55 pm (UTC)
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Back to my point on how you don't relate to people as well as you relate to your computer. There are things that people don't say because they predetermine what subjects to avoid. Honesty is good, but there is are things to avoid in conversation. For example, last week you told me that I probably couldn't reach my goal weight because I have big hips. Ok, that is a valid point but I disagree that it will keep me from reducing their size. Hence, I'm trying to lose weight and my hips. When you say things like that people take it personally. Obviously I remembered it, but I really don't care. Albeit, it pissed me off but you've done better to make me feel good and you've done worse to make me hate you for a week or so. To fix the situation you agreed that you probably shouldn't have said that and the corrected it by saying I had big tits. Strike 2, try again, still making me feel fatter than I actually am. I'm now feeling like I weigh in at 300 pounds when in actuality I weigh half of that. Think of how you would have felt on my end of that conversation. You should have have just apologized for the first comment then told me you didn't mean to be so rude and gone on to another subject or provided some encouragement towards my efforts. If I didn't know you better, I probably would have been more upset. However, before getting up in arms over what I'm telling you, realize that I brushed it off and there is no need to apologize anymore. I wouldn't have even brought it up if it weren't for the fact I'm trying to help you. I'm telling you this because I want you to realize that when you open your mouth, or your fingers on the key board, think about what you are saying and classify it as possibly hurtful vs. neutral safe conversation. I think I may have even blocked you after your visit for a short time because I just needed to breathe. It wasn't permenant but sometimes people just need space after they have been hurt. If you recall what I said to you that time it was enough to leave you bedridden. I said those things in anger and at the time I wanted to make you angry because I was angry I suppose. I didn't care if I hurt you because I didn't consider you much of a friend that week. When I consider someone to be a friend of mine I expect them to act in good faith and be conscious of what makes me feel good and what makes me feel bad. Who wants to feel worse? If you screw up apologize as soon as you realize what you did and try to make it up to them later by making them feel good. If someone blocks you, give them their space and they will forgive and forget sometimes. Some people can't do that because they were hurt too badly or are just not the forgiving type. If you think you said something that may have been hurtful, that may be why they blocked you. If you can't think of what you could have possibly said, then move on and be more careful.

It's easier to learn these things face to face with people because a facial expression will tell you a lot. That is why I'm telling you to get out of the house and away from your computer. The more you are with people, the more obvious it becomes. Anyhow, I hope this helped you. I'm not handing you a bitch about Dan session. You wanted to know and so there it is. Normally this is the type of thing people won't tell you especially in e-mail or journaling because it might make you feel worse for a little bit. It's a lot more rewarding to make people feel good rather than bad. I hope you understand that I'm not saying these things to be mean. If I start getting hate mail I'm going to call you.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Re: Honest Advice

from: teknotus
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 12:47 am (UTC)
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This is a perfect response. I know you don't hate me. When I recognize something as a sensitive area I'm getting better at turning it into making comments about myself. Even then people sometimes think I am subversively making comments about them, or saying that they are like me, when I don't think that at all. Even actively avoiding a topic gets me in trouble. People think I am changing the subject because I don't have anything nice to say, when really I don't think I can talk about the subject successfully.

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(no subject)

from: stasia_x
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC)
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Phone book list of flaws.. that's funny. Obviously untrue, though. Although, I do need to get to know you better still.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 08:15 pm (UTC)
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Oh you mean you want to chat with me a second time?

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(no subject)

from: stasia_x
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 08:16 pm (UTC)
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Are you being rudely sarcastic?

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 08:39 pm (UTC)
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No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No

I like you! Just that we have only chatted on AIM once, and I wanted to encourage you to chat with me again. I don't know what I was saying maybe I just shouldn't say anything. You don't list any friends anymore. I'm confused. Everybody is getting mad at me again, and I don't know why.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: Aug. 15th, 2003 08:59 pm (UTC)
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PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. :'-(

I'm so pathetic, just shoot me now.

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