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I don't think I have ever gotten anything other than an F on an essay test.

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Apr. 29th, 2003 | 11:20 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: Mannor House on TV

I wonder what is wrong with me. I'm 25. I've never had a girlfriend. I don't have a college degree, or a job. I live with my parents. Plus I'm out of shape. I'm unrefined. Life doesn't seem to be what I was told it would be. It's almost as if our teachers never experienced life. Perhaps they are in denial, or somehow managed to pull it off. Someone pointed out to me that it was probably their desire to give us hope. Hope was one of the things in Pandora's box.

I'm actually not depressed. I might seem that way, but this stuff has been true for a while, and I accept it. I'm working to change what I think I can make better. I don't seem to be all that great at it. I believe I am getting better though.

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Comments {15}

snarble

(no subject)

from: snarble
date: Apr. 30th, 2003 02:50 am (UTC)
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dude, my moms been watching manor house, whats the idea behind it?

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Manor House

from: teknotus
date: Apr. 30th, 2003 03:08 am (UTC)
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Recreating life in a rich family's country manor house. The rights of the working class were rather abysmal at the time it seems. Most of the people on the show have a terrible time adjusting to it from their modern sensibilities. For example some of the servants are expected to work 16 hours a day with no days off. Their families are forbidden to visit them. They cannot speak directly to their masters. They have to turn around, and look the other way if they even see one most of the time. Husband, and wife have to sleep in separate rooms. Servants will be dismissed if the master of the house finds out that they are attracted to a staff member of the opposite sex. Women are not allowed to lock their doors so that if the male master of the house wants to barge in on them when they are naked he can. Meanwhile the family that has all these servants doing their bidding spend as much on a single dinner as one servant will make in a whole year. It truly amazes me that this kind of thing was commonplace less than 100 years ago.

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benjamin

(no subject)

from: darkspin
date: Apr. 30th, 2003 01:02 pm (UTC)
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I believe I am getting better though.

thats all that matters .. I think 25 is young .. my sister is that age and she has never even lived away from her parents (which you have) and can't even maintain a job like I know you can. You're a smart man ... you'll pull through it with flying colors one day .. hope is all we have to better ourselves .. hope and the drive to get there ..

I might not be making any sense .. that happens a lot ;D

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

I might not be making any sense .. that happens a lot ;D

from: teknotus
date: May. 8th, 2003 02:43 am (UTC)
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I think I can drive myself to a better place in life. I'm a pretty good driver. I hope your sister figures things out. It made sense to me.

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xi

(no subject)

from: scifixi
date: Apr. 30th, 2003 03:25 pm (UTC)
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the list you gave of things wrong...
do you really care?
because they are all impermanent things about yourself..
im wondering, who told you what life would be like?
and also, make a list of good things about yourself, just for me... because reading that post made me hate you. (just kidding) but id really like to know nicer things.
and teachers, yeah, the ones in schools, they seem to be trapped.
and about how you feel you were lied to about life... if you read at all, you should pick up a book called "ISHMAEL". seriously. it talks alot about that and other amazing things.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

About me.

from: teknotus
date: May. 8th, 2003 02:37 am (UTC)
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Better late than never I guess.

"the list you gave of things wrong...
do you really care?
because they are all impermanent things about yourself.."

Not as much as I used to. When things stay the same for long enough they start to seem permanent, especially when they seem stagnant. It is easier to imagine something happening when it has happened before. Over the last year, and a half I have found myself saying many times to myself "is this really happening". Just too many things that I didn't feel would ever happen. It has gotten a lot easier in that time for me to believe that the rest of the things that seemed like they would never change can change.

"im wondering, who told you what life would be like?"

I remember outsmarting my teachers as early as first grade. I got bussed off to smart school one day a week in 5th, and 6th grade. I was told all the time from people that I could do anything I wanted. Family, teachers, strangers even. I have really bad ADD. I could never make the kind of grades I would need to do well in a really good university. I've almost always been falling short, of what I expect from myself. My math teacher wrote in my senior yearbook that someday he would be teaching something that I came up with. The valedictorian wrote, and I quote "You are one of the smartest people alive Dan, one day you will save the world - when you do I hope you will remember my name, and maybe I can help you out". The world has just always seemed to be different from what I think I should expect.

"and also, make a list of good things about yourself, just for me... because reading that post made me hate you. (just kidding) but id really like to know nicer things."

Short list...
I tend to be a reliable friend. People know they can count on me.

I have a lot of interests. I can usually find something to talk about.

If something interests me a lot I will pick at it regularly for a long time.

I come up with unique solutions that other people wouldn't.


"and teachers, yeah, the ones in schools, they seem to be trapped.
and about how you feel you were lied to about life... if you read at all, you should pick up a book called "ISHMAEL". seriously. it talks alot about that and other amazing things.

"

If only I wasn't such a slow reader I might find time for more good books.

I tried to instant message you a few times, but I didn't get a response so I gave up.

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xi

Re: About me.

from: scifixi
date: May. 8th, 2003 10:38 am (UTC)
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keep trying

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Re: About me.

from: teknotus
date: May. 8th, 2003 04:32 pm (UTC)
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To instant message you, or just in general?

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xi

Re: About me.

from: scifixi
date: May. 8th, 2003 04:56 pm (UTC)
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yes

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Re: About me.

from: teknotus
date: May. 8th, 2003 05:21 pm (UTC)
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That wasn't intended to be a yes or no question. You intentionally being difficult aren't you.

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jimmythebastard

fuck

from: jimmythebastard
date: May. 1st, 2003 05:30 pm (UTC)
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dont listen to boyz to men.... EVER!!!
and you will be ok.
um and try not to poop in public its a rule thats worked for me this far.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Re: fuck

from: teknotus
date: May. 1st, 2003 05:35 pm (UTC)
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My college roommate would put on a Boyz to Men CD, and let it play until the end, and then start playing from the beginning again for 5 hours. Then I dropped out of school.

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I don't know who your teachers are, but damn I love Manor House!

from: bloodyvee
date: May. 3rd, 2003 03:14 pm (UTC)
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Recognizing the problem is the first step. ah hahahahhah j/k your fine, don't worry so much about it and go have some fun or something.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

Re: I don't know who your teachers are, but damn I love Manor House!

from: teknotus
date: May. 8th, 2003 02:54 am (UTC)
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Manor House is hella good. I wish it wasn't over already. Even people who think reality tv is all stupid love Manor house. I especially liked scullery maid #3, and her boyfriend. As the show progressed I liked the master of the house less, and less. When I get all rich, and powerful don't let me get like that. Fun is good. I seem to only be spending fun time with just 4 people, maybe I should try to diversify.

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:)

from: alicec33
date: May. 11th, 2003 09:03 pm (UTC)
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lol I don't know what to put in the subject. You know what? I think you're a great guy! Don't you think so? Even when if stuff is going bad, you always have friends. And I know it sounds stupid but when I feel sad I just put on a sad song and cry my heart out. It helps. And look! You're such a good influence on people! I am capitolizing and punctuating and I didnt' even realize it until I just realized it! lol SO be happy. Even if you never find a girlfriend, I know you won't die a virgin. haha so be happy! If you want lighter reading, try GOD MADE YOU SPECIAL! It's a Veggietales book! It's really good. And if you feel bored just go outside and at least sit there. You don't even have to do anything, just like walk around the block or your house or your backyard or whatever. So be happy! At least your alive. Go catch a bus downtown. Just spend the whole day there, it's really fun. Well, I dont' know if you would like it, cuz I guess its kind of girly but I think its great. Plus, I don't think your fat. You know, a lot of Americans are over overweight. It's rpetty common, and you're not as bad as most people. Actually, i'd say you're pretty normal. You don't see Abercrombie models everywhere, do you? I don't like the Abercrombie models anyway. Its a clothes store! And they're not even wearing anything! That is just the ultimate irony. lol Well, have a great day! Talk to you later :)

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