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I care too much

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May. 17th, 2002 | 02:04 am
mood: crappycrappy

It seems I will do extrodinary things for people I care about. Loose sleep. Skip work. Drive hundereds of miles. Cry thousands of tears. Donate, my time money, property. Lend my ear, my arms, my heart. The worst is what the people I care about do. Insult me, abandon me, tell me to leave, ignor me, don't return my calls-emails. The more I care the more I hurt. I am going to try to care less than I do. I don't think I can. I can pretend not to, but I do.

At the same time I feel bad that I want other people to care. I feel bad that I am jealous of the people they like more, but I expect they can't change their feelings any more than I can.

I don't believe in free will. I can't believe in a god who hates me enough to make my life what it is. I am so lonely. I almost always need a hug.

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Comments {4}

The Striking Viking

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from: totalbitch
date: May. 17th, 2002 06:22 am (UTC)
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I'm sorry you've only experienced the bad parts of life.

But honestly....I hate ourselves. I hate humans.

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

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from: teknotus
date: May. 17th, 2002 11:04 am (UTC)
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I have expirenced the good parts of life. Just not very often. Especially recently. Some of the good parts of life that pretty much everyone expirences are compleatly forign to me though.

Humans suck! I think I would have an easier time as a robot or something. If I didn't like my physique, I could swap out some parts. If I didn't like how I felt I could rewrite my code. I would probably do it wrong though, and be both crippled, and give myself emotional problems I couldn't even imagine now.

I think the solution is a universe that doesn't suck.

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Emotionally Scarred Girl

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from: 041277
date: May. 17th, 2002 11:04 am (UTC)
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*hands you a cookie*

it's not a hug and it's not real but it's a thought so that's something right?

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Daniel Patrick Johnson

(no subject)

from: teknotus
date: May. 17th, 2002 11:09 am (UTC)
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Mmm Cookie. *munches cookie* I would rather have a hug. Well actually I didn't eat anything before bed. I'm really hungry right now. Maybe a cookie would be better. I going to go get something to eat.

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